Holy shitballs, i’m aging…


I’m turning 30 in a matter of minutes & I am the epitome of an emotional wreck. My mind is replaying the phrase ” I am not where I want to be at 30.”
I don’t know how true this is, however I seem to be brainwashing myself into believing it either way.

Maybe I am where I want to be at 30? I am happy. That’s a life strive.
Am I happy??

Married, with kids, settled. That’s where I envisioned I would be. Happy. Settled. With all my travelling & partying out of the way. I feel nowhere near settled. I’m moving from new job to new country at least twice a year. When will I stop? Why would I want to stop?

I’ve had fun. I’ve met the most amazing people & made the best of friends along the way. (I’ve met some knobbers too). I wouldn’t consider erasing those years for youth if it meant never making those friendships.

I’ve laughed. I’ve met crazy people. I’ve been in the most beautiful breathtaking surroundings. I’ve worked with amazing people & created wonderful opportunities for myself. I’ve made people laugh. I’ve made people smile. I’ve cheered them up when they’re sad. I make people feel good about themselves. I have a genuine empathy towards people & I care. A lot. I’m a good person. I make people feel comfortable. I am never mean or nasty. I have no hidden agenda & I work hard and always do my best. I have been told I have a pure soul. These are qualities I highly value in myself. I feel like a success as a nice person.

….everywhere else may be lacking. Or am I? Why do I measure myself to other people? We make our own happiness, right? Our mindset drives us & pushes us to our opportunities.

I always struggle with my birthday & new years. This milestone birthday seems to be significantly detrimental to my mental health. I feel like a volatile emotional wreck. A volatile emotional wreck who should go to sleep right now so I’m not crying at midnight. I couldn’t cope with that!


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